My Grief Cycle for A Not Normal Time

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None of us - NONE OF US - is living normally right now, are we? No surprise here, but stress levels in this household are incredibly high as I/we have recently come to the conclusions that our old normal is no more.

While I am not alone in high levels of anxiety, and while I do think we need to take a zen moment to collect ourselves and practice thoughtful decision-making, I understand that is not easy. I am guilty myself of being over anxious and fretful, and full of emotions these days.

For myself, I am trying to understand where my mind is here and to make some sense of what I am feeling. As I have in the past when faced with emotional challenging times, I think of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. It gives me some comfort to recognize that states of grief also apply to my own feelings of loss right now.

The denial stage was of course easy to recognize. In January not many outside of the field of infectious disease could wrap their mind around what was happening, first in China and then like wildfire throughout the world. How could this be happening? Our scientists will surely solve this. The federal government continued to insist this was all a giant hoax until, with thousands infected just here in the US, COVID-19 itself can no longer be denied..

I am angry. I am angry at lack of anything resembling leadership from the federal government, and at a governor who seems to be stuck in presenting the optics of being “in charge” without actually making an unpopular decision. Gov. Baker’s response to closing public schools happened AFTER all districts had already decided to close for some time period. How is that leadership? And yes, that makes me angry.

In place of the federal officials claiming COVID-19 is a political hoax, what if our dear leader had offered some measure of leadership by accepting help and assistance from other countries or private labs to develop a test for potential carriers? And what if those tests were widely available instead of being rationed to the most ill? What if instead of a delayed response to controlling the virus’ spread, extraordinary measure had been put in place to increase its containment? Would things be different today? I believe they would and I am angry.

I feel drawn to bargaining, but bargaining simply causes one to absorb guilt for something we have no control over. COVID-19 is not my fault, yet there is a boatload of guilt placed on us. If only I had been more diligent in isolating myself from family members. If only I had not gone for a walk. If only I had been more diligent in hand washing. Because “if only” is irrational, we turn to bargaining. Spare my family member, take me.

Which brings me to depression. Yes, I feel depressed and this is where my feelings live most of the time now. I feel an intense sadness for things that are lost: jobs, human contact., security. We sat at dinner tonight talking about how our retirement looks nothing like we had envisioned. We are insecure about what lies ahead and that is frightening financially and health-wise.

The final stage of the Kubler-Ross cycle of course is acceptance. We hope to be able to accept this new normal knowing that, for now, we cannot. For myself, I hope acceptance will bring peace of mind and, although the ways we had once practiced may be severely altered or even missing, new ones will start to take shape. In acceptance, I know my mind will be more open to change and in so doing new norms begin to take place.

I do not know what lies ahead for me, for us, for my family and friends. I do feel deeply that things have and will continue to change. That change will be difficult for this creature of habit, and I will mourn what has been, but I will also eventually learn to accept the new normal. And that is something that comforts me.

Changing Gears

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We are learning to live in a new reality. As our normal daily schedules continue to be impacted by new ways to mitigate this current health threat, several things come to my mind.

We have always washed hands after touching anything from outside. My Dad worked in an agricultural business; I learned early about salmonella and wash my hands after handling raw eggshells.

Handwashing is a way of life for us - always has been. Now we are hypervigilant; we have hand sanitizer in our cars, we keep a container of Chlorox wipes on our kitchen counter, we wipe down door handles, light switches, locks, faucets, remotes, phones… anything and everything. Like most everyone I know, our hands are scrubbed raw.

We have taken the advice of healthcare professionals by keeping our distance, we have a plan for what happens if one of us is ill. We worry not only about picking up a viral infection oursleves, but about unwittingly spreading it to friends or family, especially those who are vulnerable to the ravages of this pandemic. We simply don’t have reliable facts. Our government is not very forthcoming or truthful in this regard, nor does the federal government seem very knowledgeable. I have an unprecedented distrust of the information coming from it.

There is an old John Wesley quote that applies now. It gives me some measure of comfort, because it is all I have to offer:

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

As we move through the next days and weeks, and perhaps months, this is the truth that guides me. Stay healthy my friends.

You say potato: Losing track of low income/economically disadvantaged students

WBUR's Max Larkin's piece on the way Massachusetts has changed counting children living in poverty, How Massachusetts Lost Count of Its Poor Students, was published yesterday. While Massachusetts educators are paying attention, this is a topic that deserves much broader discussion as the unintended consequences are substantial.

In 2015, the Commonwealth began recalculating the number of students living in poverty based upon a new metric which included enrollment in programs like SNAP. Using this new way of counting and classifying the needs of students meant the use a new label, "economically disadvantaged", replacing the term "low income". However, more than a change in labeling data collection resulted. 

In Lowell prior to the new measures, the average (and I stress the use of the word AVERAGE) poverty rate district-wide was in the 75.1% (2013-14 DESE Select Population data). In the particular school in which I taught, that rate was closer to 85% (84.9%). Using the new means of measurement, in 2014-15, Lowell's District calculation of students in poverty, now referenced as "economically disadvantaged" was reduced to 49%. So according to the new measure, over the summer break about one-third of Lowell Public School's students disappeared from the count of children who lived in poverty.

Why does this matter? When we look at student growth and achievement, there are factors within the school and classroom over which educators have control but there are also factors which influence student growth over which educators have little to no control. One of those factors is the impact of living in poverty. This is a huge reason school districts make every attempt to provide students who are low income or economically disadvantaged with additional services. Such services range from wrap-around services for health and housing security to additional educational opportunities like books for home enjoyment and field trips.

As an educator, it did not make sense to me that over the summer break one-third of our students were suddenly no longer in need of such extra supports. Certainly no one could imagine that over the summer months about a third of Lowell's students for whom poverty was a factor had suddenly become financially stable.

Poverty levels are often a consideration for needs-based grants. Here's an example: In Lowell, the United Teachers of Lowell applied for participation in the FirstBook Books on Wheelsfree book distribution program in 2015. To qualify, the District needs-based percentage had to be 70%. Under the new calculation using CEP, Lowell's 49.1% economically disadvantaged calculation would have disqualified our students and their families from the benefits this wonderful program: books to add to a home library. Luckily our Title I office had actual data which did allow us to qualify for the program.

Which makes me wonder: what other needs-based programs are our children living in poverty missing because a district or school no longer qualifies based upon economically disadvantaged data collected by Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education? Are our children who are living in poverty missing the additional services needed to help them be as successful as their more affluent peers based upon a falsely "improved" low income number?

When the Commonwealth falsely represents students living in poverty based on a flawed new metric, the consequences have a significant and real impact on our most vulnerable students.


They've Got To Be Carefully Taught

You've got to be taught to hate and fear

You've got to be taught from year to year

It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear

You've got to be carefully taught.

Oscar Hammerstein II, "You've Got to Be Taught" from the musical South Pacific, 1949

Photo by Todd Trapani on Pexels.com

One thing I've learned as a parent and as an educator: children mirror our own behavior. That makes sense, doesn't it? Has anyone had their own child pick up some naughty language which was repeated at a most inopportune moment?

Besides being excellent observers, children look to adults - those who are their caregivers and those encountered through media as "celebrity" - for models of acceptable behaviors and interactions.

This, of course, causes me to wonder about the effect the racist and hyper-charged hate-filled "soundbites" that are blasting into our lives on a daily, and oftentimes hourly basis. What impact is this having on our children?

When adults use disparaging taunts and insulting nicknames to refer to others around them, particularly those with whom there is a disagreement, children intuit that this is an okay way to react and respond. When an adult feels compelled to tell someone to "go back where you came from" or targets people of color, the message is again condoning what I believe and know are unacceptably racist behaviors.

It won't take much for this to spill over into diverse classrooms. School staff - all of us really - will need to be ready to counteract and replace the unacceptable with inclusiveness and kindness. While that is going to be challenging when each day brings a new low in personal interactions from some corners, it is important, essential work.

Because they've got to be carefully taught can run both ways.

Online Preschool? Surely you jest.

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I was once called an education technology pioneer, probably because there wasn't anything I wouldn't try at least once if it seemed like it might be a good fit for my students. Drawing on my experience in the private sector, and as an Instructional Technology Specialist in public schools, I embraced the idea that technology was a tool and there was a core of programming that should be in every student's technology toolbox.

This article, An Online Preschool Closes a Gap But Exposes Another, published in the New York Times, however, indicates to me that educational technology has gone too far.

Briefly, the article tells of less-affluent communities who are embracing a Pre-School curriculum developed by Waterford. You can learn more about the mission of this non-profit here and read more about their partnerships.

While "preschool for all" should be must be a priority for US education, replacing a face-to-face preschool with screen time and 15 minutes of technology programming bothers me. I agree, every child should have access to preschool. As an early grade educator, I recognize that the fact that many communities that cannot and do not offer a quality preschool program puts some young children at a disadvantage which is difficult to overcome.

For some communities, offering universal preschool education through public schools is a matter of economics. There just isn't adequate public funding for the public schools to offer preschool programs to every family wanting to send a child to preschool. Community budgets are strapped, and there are as many reasons for short funds as there are preschoolers, so community leaders do as the mayor in Fowler, California has done: offer a freebie program for online preschool access.

While I understand that this may seem like a good idea on the surface, it is not. In an effort to ensure every child can read by Grade 3, academics are being foisted onto 4 year olds. That is wrong.

The question is: Just what should a preschool program look like? Should a preschool be 15 minutes of drill and kill on a computer? Who is deciding which computer-aided skills are taught? I ask this because I was stunned to discover the Waterford program teaching silent letters as a phonics skills appropriate for preschoolers. When I actively taught Grade 2, "i+gh" for example was a second grade skill, not a preschool/pre-reading skill.

Preschool, in my opinion, should be heavily weighted toward teaching children to get along with each other, to share and take turns, and to learn appropriate group social behaviors. Preschoolers should also be allowed to learn by experiences; those experiences are important to everything that comes later in learning. Preschool children need to form a strong, compassionate, relationship with the adults teaching them. A positive preschool experience sets the stage for lifelong learning attitudes. These are the things a 15-minute daily online preschool program can never provide.

Our education leaders, in fact all of us, need to step up efforts to make an affordable universal preschool experience available to all who would like one, and stop relying on questionable "free" software to fill in the gap.

Retired & Expired & Letting Go

For the first time since 1974, I no longer hold a teaching license. I decided not to renew my licenses (I have three), and that is something I am discovering to be a source of some apprehension. I retired several years ago from active teaching, however, my identity for most of my life has been, and I imagine will continue to be, synonymous with education.

I've wanted to be a teacher since the second grade - which oddly was my favorite grade level to teach - and despite a few detours, that is what I've done with most of my working career. But like most things, it is time to officially bring that to a close; my time has passed and it is time to officially let some things go.

Throughout my years of teaching I experienced, as you might expect, good days and bad days, but, as with most who enter the field of education, I wouldn't have traded for another career. Working with children and families and learning from colleagues has been a rare privilege.

I was fortunate to re-enter education when teaching was, I think, at its best. I think it is difficult to describe that to people. There was a level of collegiality between administrators and teachers based upon mutual respect and trust. And it was that mutual respect and trust that made the hard work of education exceptionally rewarding. We worked hard, the children worked hard, we all learned. And still we had fun.

My principals were exacting and their expectations were high, yet I never felt that I couldn't try new ideas for reaching students. I trusted my administrators and colleagues, but more importantly, they trusted me.

As I move into this next phase of my life's story, I do know that I am not leaving education far behind. I have a granddaughter who will be entering school in the next few years, and thus, my interest in education is changing focus a bit.

The paper proclaiming my legitimacy as an educator may have expired, but there is still much to think about and speak up for. And that is what I will continue to do.

It Isn't Just the Cuts

undefined Budget season is going full tilt in Lowell and the outlook is definitely not very palatable.

The School Department is running on fumes: no K-8 libraries this past academic year, proposed cuts to fine arts positions, proposals to cut services for students in guidance, behavioral supports, Special Education. Who knows where it will end?

Well, here's where I get off:

I think a question should not be just about what services and positions will need to be cut. I think the big questions is this: Why isn't the Commonwealth of Massachusetts adequately funding schools so our children receive all of the services they need to succeed? 

By all, I mean: why are schools going without libraries, or technology, or nurses, or social workers, or paraprofessionals, or class sizes that enable an educator to address the needs of the students in front of them in a consistent, thoughtful, reflective way? Why are these and other services that enable our English Language Learners, our Special Education students and our students living in trauma and poverty to be better supported on the chopping block?

Today, across Massachusetts, educators, parents, students, community members are gathering in both Boston and Springfield to SHOW our Legislators that we are not willing to accept the flimsy excuses that have left public school funding scratching for scraps for the last 25-plus years. We are showing up to let you all know IN PERSON that it is beyond time to fix the Foundation Formulas and that our Commonwealth needs to fund our schools so that all of our youngest citizens get an equitable and adequately funded public education.

So even though I could be doing about a million other things today, I will show up, not only for the Rally at 5, but also to engage any Legislator who will agree to speak with me about the importance of funding our future through supporting the Promise Act and the Cherish Act. This is for all the students I've taught, the ELLs, the SpED students, the children living in poverty - and for my baby granddaughter, who just might be able to attend a fully and adequately funded school when she enters Kindergarten five years from now if the Promise Act is passed this year.

And that is why I'll be attending today's Rally to Fund Our Future on the Common. Will you?

I'm Not Giving Up On You

Maybe you've seen this awesome YouTube video floating around. If not, take a listen to the PS22 Chorus led by Gregg Breinberg, singing with Andy Grammer.

https://youtu.be/KL9qp0FNEzU

Look at the faces on the students who are about as engaged as any child can be. These are fifth graders and they are not only having the time of their life, they are making a memory never to be forgotten. What would their school experience be if there were no music opportunities in their young lives?

The former music educator in me can certainly appreciate the skill and organization that propels this group of musicians. But I would argue that the connection made to an art like music is just as important.

As a high school freshman, when my Dad's career took him to New England. it was music that made the culture shock of moving from the comfortable Midwestern community in which I had grown up more bearable. There were friendships that were made in the music room; it was a place where I had something in common with my otherwise foreign New England peers. It was the only place I felt less of a freak or outsider.

What if that safe place that my high school's music program provided had not been available to me? Because I was different, I already felt a lot of teenaged alienation, and yet, the experience of practicing with other students in our orchestra and chorus helped me to belong. And by belonging, I had a pathway in as a student; it made me into an engaged learner which is something that has stayed with me throughout my life.

One of the impacts bothering me about the test-driven curriculum that we see today is that the arts are in increased danger of losing funding during tough budget times. The disciplines of music and art are often looked upon a frills. I would disagree.

While not every student will choose a career as an artist or musician, our schools should be places where students can experience and appreciate the arts in a personal way. Sometimes, as it was for me, that encounter with the arts may become the difference between a dismal and exceptional educational experience.

As the budget season gets underway in our public schools, Gateway communities in Massachusetts are faced decisions about which programs to keep and which will be cut. When municipal school budgets like we see in Gateway cities do not adequately provide for educational expenses, the temptation will always be to jettison the arts. That I believe is not only short-sighted, it is wrong.

The solution, however, is within our grasp. With 25-year-old Foundation Budget formulas driving which programs are funded and which are not, the answer lies with the Legislature's capacity for adopting the Promise Act and for making progress toward fully and adequately funding all of our public schools.

So on May 16, I'll be on the Boston Common rallying with my colleagues to demand our Legislature does the right thing for our students. Somewhere in that crowd might be a young person for whom the arts is a safe way to engage in learning, just as it was for me. I not only won't give up on you. I cannot give up.